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Men visited sex island for *checks notes* "suntan"

Despite more frequent flyer miles than a flock of swallows, the rich and powerful have claimed their interest in Jeffrey Epstein's lair was beach related. Said one anonymous billionaire: 'I was unaware that anything elicit was happening on Sexy McSexyIsland. It just sounded like an innocent destination, like Lesbos or the Island of Dr Moreau.'

Apparently Bill Clinton, Prince Andrew and the cast of Davos only visited as they were big fans of scuba diving. While Alan Dershowitz spent days with Mr. Epstein, just to see his collection of interestingly shaped shells.

There had even been plans to hold next year's Oscars there, as all the participants were already gathered. 'Ultimately it's just a cocincidence, just like that time I got my peni$ caught in a hoover. Twice.'

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