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Michael Gove proclaims himself Baronet of Birmingham

Michael Gove is riding to the rescue of the bankrupt Birmingham City Council, arriving in the city centre on a magnificent white stallion. He then attempted a stirring speech, but most of it was muffled by his ornate suit of medieval armour.

Gove apparently said 'Only more than a decade of savage Tory cuts to local government necessitates these kind of interventions, so... you're welcome. Anyway, I, Michael Gove, being of sound mind, despite being banned from several nightclubs in Aberdeen, am the Duke of Dudley, the Earl of Edgbaston and the Sultan of Solihull. I am Ozzy Osbourne and Tommy Shelby, staying at the Crossroads Motel.'

Gove is said to have 'responded positively' to the idea of riding his white horse through the streets of neighbouring Coventry, adding 'naked, I hope?' before winking at aides.

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