A senior MP has spoken of his habitual lying tendency today, asking for 'understanding' and 'compassion' in what appears to be a life-long problem.
'I - er - piffle - have led a life of self-deceit for - er -years, convincing myself - nay everybody - that I'm telling the truth but, alas, it is all a lie. I want to come out and let the world know that anything that comes out of these two lips are lies,' he added. Asked if he was telling the truth the MP smiled, ran his hands through permanently tousled hair and confirmed that everything he had just said was 'absolutely the truth'.
'You can trust me, I wouldn't lie,' he added. 'And if you vote for me I'll cut taxes, just as I always have.'