New Government plan deports illegal immigrants for £20

The government has a new tactic in its war on illegal immigrants.

Funding the French police has proved ineffective. Advertising posters saying 'Britain is Closed. And a bit rubbish.' didn't work. The one-in-one-out policy is only working in a roundabout way.

So the government is very pleased with its latest wheeze.

'I don't know why we didn't think of it before,' said the under-Minister for Ejecting Illegals. 'We order a pizza on one of those new-fangled delivery apps. We have a work experience wallah who knows how to do that. And then we arrange for it to be delivered to the police headquarters in Calais.

'The app tells us the drivers name. So then we can tell our immigration staff not to let them back in. Genius. One voluntary repatriation for the price of a pizza.

'We are still refining the policy. The French police has complained about the food arriving cold, and also that pizza is disgusting foreign muck, and that the BBQ dips are often missing. GB News has accused us of using public money to buy food for asylum seekers. And we have accidentally deported seven English teenagers.

'I'm told that the last one is a downside, even though they would probably have voted Reform.'

Image: Ricktapam - Pixabay

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