Newspaper sub-editor admits addiction to headlines about middle-class cocaine use

A sub-editor for one of the UK's biggest newspapers has spoken of her dependency on headlines about the middle-class absolutely blattering charlie.

'I first tried it just to be social,' she said. 'But after that first rush of 'Chelsea tractors and chang: yummy mummies school gates gak fest' I found myself needing more. Before I knew it I was writing 'Elena Ferrante fuelled by the ol' Jimmy Durante: book clubs drug-binge shame' and it still wasn't enough.'

The sub-editor who has asked not to be named for fear of colleagues following her into the toilets and asking her to share a headline, said it was a UK-wide problem.

'Have you seen the maps? Tabloid or broadsheet, no one can resist a map of cocaine-related hospital admissions or arrests. Stick it up, add 'UK snow storm: well-off in naughty flake blizzard' and the article writes itself.'

Like all addicts, the sub-editor reached a point where they hit rock bottom. 'It was Waitrose that did it,' she said. 'Once I'd published 'Rolled-up fivers and muff divers: posh supermarket car park drug-sex epidemic' I knew I need help.'

Image: moritz320 - Pixabay