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‘Not enough wars’ say arms manufacturers

Despite a widespread feeling that 2024 has been reasonably bellicose, leading arms companies have called for governments to step up the aggression in a bid to prevent a global Depression.

“We all remember the Great Depression of the 1930s”, a spokesman said. “Ultimately that led to World War Two. So we’re trying to save lives, really. We feel that a small number of minor wars now would keep the economy turning nicely and stave off anything large and dangerous. We’re not talking about anything closer than Ukraine. Gaza is perfect – thousands of miles away and the US Government is only too happy to pay. There’s always the West Bank when Gaza runs out of, erm, terrorists”.

The ideal war involves far-off places without nukes. African wars don’t usually attract Western dollars so they’re not much use, though there are hopes that Trump might spark something involving diamond mines as he enters his ‘Elvis in Vegas’ era.

“How about the Falklands again? Only this time the USA could side with Argentina and unleash shock and awe on the Brits! Hey, that might work”, said the spokesman, frantically scrolling Google Maps. “Or Vietnam? Haven’t done that one for a while”.

Economists agree that blowing up existing infrastructure is somehow good for the global economy, though they refuse to explain why. We wouldn’t understand, apparently. Maths. Anyway, War is Good and suggestions for the next conflict are always welcome. Please send ideas to:

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