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OJ Simpson acquitted in own death

Despite footage that placed him at the scene of his own demise, a jury has ruled that he could not have fitted into the tiny coffin he was said to wear. His lawyer remarked: 'My client is accused of being deceased on the flimsiest of evidence. Just because he's not breathing and is starting to stink, is no indication of intent. He's probably just sleeping or in a stiffened state.'

DNA results suggested an exact match between the body of OJ Simpson and the alive version of OJ Simpson. His driver's license bares a startlingly resemblance to the corpse. Even family members identified the body, although police say his ex-wife was unavailable for comment.

'At this time, my client just wants the press to respect his privacy to grieve and decompose quietly.'

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