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Prime Minister triumphant after by-election landslide

The Prime Minister was reported to be ‘cock-a-hoop’ after the result of yesterday’s by-election was announced. He has been quoted as saying:-

“This is a great result for me, and also possibly for the Tory party. All those prophets of doom – so-called journalists, Tory back benchers, The Chancellor, people with integrity etc. etc. – have been proved utterly and completely wrong. I congratulate whoever won (I’ve temporarily forgotten his name), wherever it was.

Our candidate won 84% of the vote! And where did the Labour and Liberal Democrats come? Nowhere!!

To use of a phrase of a great Conservative icon, I promised that Boris’ll fix it and I have!

There have been some irresponsible comments recently that 100% correct facts that I stated in Parliament were somewhat misleading. All I did was suggest that the Rt. Honourable Leader of the Opposition was an odious kiddy-fiddling spawn of Satan who was personally responsible for Jack the Ripper not being prosecuted. This of course was pure Parliamentary cut-and-thrust and banter. It was nothing personal and I have graciously accepted Kier’s apology.

Anyway, onwards and upwards! Rejoice!! The Bozza is back!!! Let the partying begin!!!!”

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