Putin explains to Trump that he's getting it all wrong

'Look, mate - 

(1) None of this 'Major combat operation'.  Bit of a giveaway, and sounds far too aggressive.  It's always a 'Special military operation.'

(2) You're not attacking a 'foreign country'.  Iran is and always has been an integral part of the United states of America, like Canada, Greenland and Venezuela.  It's just been acting like a breakaway province in recent decades.  But you are liberating it and its people.

(3) Don't just drop bombs on it and fire missiles at it.  Get stuck in, do the job properly, march in and march over people's faces, let the tanks roll in and roll over people, their homes and everything.  And while you're at it, kidnap a few thousand children and drag them away to be brainwashed.

(4) You didn't kill Khamenei.  That would be aggressive and nasty.  The poor feeble old bugger just toppled over and accidentally fell out of a window.

But you've started, so finish.  If all your armed forces are busy in Iran, at least that'll stop you trying to poke your nose into Ukraine, which is absolutely none of your business.

Have a nice day!  - Your mate, Vlad.