Following recent visits in and around the government's Whitehall offices, Minister for Brexit Opportunities (whatever that is), Jacob Rees-Mogg, is said to have been 'discomfited and dismayed' to find many civil servants were not at their desks, preferring instead to continue to work from home.
Upon discovering this, Mr Rees-Mogg is understood to have left individual notes for when the officers return. NewsBiscuit has obtained a copy of the note.
I was quite thoroughly dismayed to find you were not at your desk when I called today.
Your many hard-working and considerably more diligent colleagues informed me you were "working from home".
I take a very dim view of this. We would not have defeated Mr Hitler, had our gallant forces adopted the same slovenly, lackadaisical and offhand attitude.
I suggest you buck up your ideas, or you will find your personal winter stove fuel allowance capped at a maximum 3 small-sized coals per day.
That is all.
J. Rees-Mogg (Secretary of State for Preposterous & Made-up Ministries)
One cabinet colleague who wished for her comments to remain off the record said. 'Well, that's Jacob all over isn't it? He really is an utterly hopeless dick. Embarrassingly out of touch with the modern era and work practices. But now if you'll forgive me, I'm off to Waterstones for my book signing."