After another Academy snub, Jacob Rees-Mogg has returned to his Brexit-based screenplay, ‘Sunlit Uplands’ and will use his new position as Minister for Brexit Opportunities to conduct gonzo research.
Tory strategist Clementine Carruthers noted ‘Jacob R Mogg is the Hunter S Thompson of Dickensian villainy. That time he napped in the Commons was because he was working so hard on this screenplay. Can you imagine him in the Los Angeles sunshine? He’d turn to dust. If he were a vampire, which he almost certainly isn’t. Casting Nadine as Boris' love interest though? Bit obvious.’
In search of a more dramatic narrative arc, Rees-Mogg is said to have fired up the Unnecessary Human Suffering Machine – or the Brexitron 3000. It produced an unearthly glow and either the machine or Rees-Mogg boomed ‘Grizzly ghouls from every tomb are closing in to seal your doom, ahahahaha’.