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Replacement army ambulance drivers anticipate being able to meet government targets

The British army has reluctantly agreed to provide personnel to stand in to man ambulances, but squaddies have asked to let it be known that if the dozy cow who puts notices on them when they block her driveway in emergency situations, thinks she can try it on with them, they’ll make her think again.

Under the agreement to provide personnel, ambulances will be fitted with caterpillar tracks, missiles and rocket launchers, which the army has said will be necessary to deal with twats who refuse to pull over and let them pass. Our squaddie informant said the dozy cow who writes the notes, might prefer to live in Ukraine once they’d finished with her house and driveway; and the tw*t who thinks it funny to delay ambulances with blue lights flashing, wouldn’t be doing it again, once they’d shot an Exocet missile up his arse.

The ambulance service has said it is studying the army proposals closely and will be monitoring the army’s performance to see if it could help them meet the arbitrary government targets.

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