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Rising sea levels now blamed on Tory tears

Environmentalists are now revising the climate change theory that greenhouse gases are causing the planet to overheat, melt the ice caps and cause sea levels to rise.

'Since last Thursday we've noticed a dramatic rise in sea levels around the UK, with rivers overflowing several times a day and none of the climate change models can account for the dramatic change,' said a climate scientist today, 'even the turds being dumped don't start to account for it,' he added.  'But we've now formed a direct correlation between Tory tears and rising sea levels.

'To be fair, Laura Kuenssberg has probably accounted for about twenty percent of the tears shed, with another twenty percent coming from displaced Tory MPs.  Apparently the only one not adding to the tear-fest is Grant Schapps who didn't even know he was standing, apparently.

'As a scientist, of course I'm worried.  I'm not sure the planet can cope with another five years of Tory tears.  But as a voter...'

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