In a pitiful bid to deflect media interest away from woeful governance in Britain, top secret files have been released which point to naughty Cold War tactics by Russia.
An unspecified Foreign Secretary camouflaged very well said without hardly doing any arm zinger movements, 'The Russians were active on Great British high streets during the 1980s and '90s, right under our noses.
'Millions of young children were influenced into Communist thinking through being bought playthings in a consumerist frenzy from the retailer Toys "R" Us. Our top codebreakers have cracked the secret code, and spotted that the R and Us spell 'Rus' which is short for Russia. They even put the R backwards, so we're in no doubt.
'Happily, pushback on Russia was strong from us plucky Brits. As you can see in the dossier papers which are definitely not just made up yesterday at about teatime, the 'U-Like' bit of Spud-U-Like is an anagram of UK lie.'
Hat tip to modelmaker