Writing for ‘The Sun’, Wes Streeting today blamed ‘woke nurses’ and the ‘deep state’ for criticising his plans to smash up the NHS and ignore any views he doesn’t like. With Keir Starmer and Rachel Reeves also offering gushing praise for Margaret Thatcher, critics have questioned just why it is that the Labour opposition are inexplicably adopting the same dumb-arsed Tory ideas that created this mess in the first place?
A spokeswoman insisted that, “There are good reasons why we are planning to adopt the entire Tory manifesto. In the Labour Movement we have a long tradition of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, especially after getting everyone’s hopes up.
"Given how profoundly unpopular the Government are, it is only fair to give the Tories a chance by bigging up their idiotic ideas and losing our own supporters in the process.”
In a further sign of their determination to lose the next election and alienate as many of their voters as possible, the Labour Party went on to outline plans to re-introduce chimney sweeps, charge road tax on prams, send all pensioners back to work – and snatch candy from little kiddies.