A dishevelled and confused ex-SNP leader left custody. Police confirmed: 'A middle-aged Scottish woman was held for questioning over Brexit, Covid corruption and impregnating various aides. The fact she doesn't match the description of our chief suspect, is neither here nor there.'
Sturgeon's solicitor explained: 'We have agreed to a deal whereby Boris Johnson will not be prosecuted - but Nichola will. Yeah, I know it sounds like a sh$t bargain but quite frankly, I got a bit confused with all the legal jargon. What's Habeas Corpus anyway? Something about naked bodies, I dunno, I never went to law school.'
One suppoter of Mr.Johnson was ebullient: 'If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. And if you didn't do the crime, don't be ginger. That's as good as a confession.'