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Time capsule older than three years old dug up in Monmouth

In what is believed to be the oldest recorded time capsule in the UK, artefacts from before the pandemic have been unearthed in a burial plot in Monmouth.

'It was incredible,' said Brian, 34. I sort of remembered helping to bury the capsule, but what with the pandemic, lockdowns and partygate it sort of got pushed from my mind. Then Alvin, my mate from the pub, asked if anyone had ever dug it up. We went and looked and the ground appeared undisturbed, so I grabbed my shovel. The rest, as they say, is history.'

And history it is. Traditionally time capsules are expected to sit underground for generations, with many participants hoping the capsules will survive an atomic war and provide an emerging surviving race of genetically modified mutants an insight into what it meant to be human and British before Brexit. And World War three, obviously.

In reality most time capsules are dug up sooner than three years. Many are dug up literally the next day as donors of antiquated artefacts such as remote controls for televisions they no longer have, or early iPhones realise that the TV is in the loft and is essentially a hot spare, or they read that early iPhones are worth way more than a tenner to some collectors.

Others are looted within a few months, mainly for the Keith Chegwin tee shirts that inevitably get thrown in as an example of early British history. To date no time capsule older than four years has been found, probably because long covid brain fog has made the people burying the capsules filled with tat forget where they buried them.

'There's photos of local people not wearing face masks,' enthused Brian, admitting he was disappointed there wasn't a 'Brexit fifty pence piece', but acknowledged the likelihood of anyone finding one in their change was remote, as most were thrown away in disgust at the time.

Brian's happy to have dug the time capsule up before World War three, though. 'I wasn't going to vote Conservative next time,' he admitted, 'so we'll probably have to wait a while longer for that mutant utopia,' he sighed.

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