Today's news flash from The White House
- deskpilot
- 1 hour ago
- 1 min read
A peace deal is imminent, says Donald Trump. It's so imminent that it might happen in the next five minutes. It's even more imminent that yesterday's imminent peace deal and the one from the day before that.
It could be agreed in a flash, says the President. All that's needed is for Iran to stop demanding stupid things for themselves, and agree to give us the very sensible things that we want. What is the matter with them? Has religious extremism damaged their brains?
Every time the oil price rises, or the stock market falls, I feel that the peace deal is coming closer again. And when I say that, the oil price falls and the stock market rises, so it must be true. Ordinary billionaires can't make political donations without their stock market income, so we need to look after them.
People are wrong about me being impotent. They're not pronouncing it right. It's pronounced 'I'm potent', which is very similar to imminent.
So peace is imminent. Cheaper gas is imminent. Complete and total capitulation by Iran is imminent. New highs for BitCoin are imminent. Lots more money is also very imminent. Here endeth the lesson. Praise the Lord and Allahu Akbar.
Press Release - unembargoed. For immediate release now, and for further releases (with some words changed) every time the oil price goes up.
