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Tories betting on what will happen to Tories found guilty of betting on election date

A further scandal engulfed the Tories today, when it was revealed that some Tories have been betting on the fate of the Tories caught betting on the election date.

The scandal came to light when Rishi Sunak announced that the party would “withdraw support” from them, but not expel them or ban them from standing as Tory candidates. Someone in the crowd is said to have yelled “Yes!!! Pay up, losers!” He was then seen to pocket wads of cash given to him by irritated colleagues, one of them muttering that he was sure Sunak would do nothing at all.

”This is quite appalling,” said a senior Tory. “That the party of Churchill and Macmillan should have descended to this sort of grubby behaviour. We need a full enquiry to establish the facts.”

He then immediately opened a book on who would lead the enquiry and which boardroom it would be based in. 

It’s not known what will happen if the “unsupported” MPs nevertheless retain their seats in Parliament. One possibility is they’ll be made to sit on a special green bench reserved for “oiks”, and the other Tory MPs won’t invite them along next time they go out to trash a restaurant.

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