‘We’re tearing ourselves apart over which issues to tear ourselves apart over’ wailed one Conservative Conference delegate, as she queued for dental attention at the party’s first ever Anti-gnashing unit. There are so many hills to die on, it’s an uphill struggle to decide which to start climbing. We’re in the teeth of a crisis, and we can’t stop chewing’.
A team of emergency dentists (none of them taking NHS patients) was at hand at this year’s conference where vexed gnashing has assumed epidemic proportions. They gave out gum shields, paracetamol and laxative chewing gum. The lattermost is designed to relieve gnashing symptoms while helping constipated Conservatives (Constipervatives) faced with a bleak political future to shit themselves without rectum or gum damage.
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