Trump announces retrospective action against small boats

The White House today confirmed that President Trump has signed an executive order authorising action against small boats of immigrants who are ruining the country's way of life.

'I built The Wall to keep out all the millions of immigrants who were coming in to our beautiful nation. And I took steps, giant steps, to expel those criminals who had arrived earlier under other presidencies who weren't as tough and strong as I have needed to be,' announced President Trump at a press conference.

'The next step is to use our naval, sea, marine and water-based forces to protect our coastline against the drug dealers, and evil, bad people trying to arrive through that route.

'The key to this is that anyone who has landed here, and I don't care how long ago, will also be sent back to the countries they came from. And these countries will pay the cost of the transportation. In fact, for anyone who has been here for a while, I will charge them interest on the wealth they have gathered at America's expense, before they leave. This is American money and property and it belongs right here in America.

'I am committed to expelling all these evil people who have simply expected to get America handed to them as soon as they stepped off their little boats. And we have been tracking them all along. I have already asked the Chief of Naval Operations and the Secretary of the Navy to prepare a list of known foreign immigrant-carrying boats so that we can start work straightaway, exiling these people and their families and descendants. And I have it right here.

'Say, Joe, can you pass me that report ...'

Photo by Peter Muscutt on Unsplash

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