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Trump latest: "I won the Presidents Cup for the US"

2 hours ago
2 min read

In an early morning post on the world's most ironically named social media platform, its owner posted a message claiming he personally won all twelve singles golf matches in yesterday's Presidents Cup at Madinah Golf and Country Club.


When asked about the accuracy of the post at a White House briefing later in the day Trump said: 'I saw our team was struggling after day two. Trailing by 10.5 to 7.5 against the Internationals, and we needed a bit of help from a truly great golfer. Fortunately, that's what I am. A truly great golfer. Everyone says so. They tell me that.  


'By the way, did you know I won the club championships at two of my own clubs on the same day despite not playing in either competition? That's how good I am. Now, some sad people, very sad, say I didn't do that. Well how come then my name is on  both of the champions' boards?


'So yesterday I told our loser of a captain and his failing team to butt out and I would play all twelve singles matches simultaneously. And as you can see by the final score, 17 to 13, for USA!-USA!-USA! I aced all twelve games. Never been done before. Never. That's amazing. I think perhaps they ought to give the trophy to me now to keep for good. It'll look real swell beside the FIFA prize my good buddy, Jeee-aneee, gave me when I brought peace to the world.


'I won all the women's singles, too.'




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