Trump solves Strait of Hormuz flashpoint with a stroke of military genius

As global affairs become more surreal by the minute, Donald Trump's press secretary, Caroline Leave-It-Out, today told the world's media: 'In a brilliant masterstroke of military genius, the problematic Strait of Hormuz will be renamed.

'The President, as we all know, is an incredible war strategist,' grovelled the shameless apologist, 'and he has moved swiftly. So this big lake thing, or whatever the heck it is, will be renamed something more suitable and then only the United States will say what is allowed and what's not allowed to happen there.'

The news was confirmed shortly afterwards by Trump himself, while swanning around on Airforce One returning to Washington from his golf course.

'Hormuz is a kinda bad sounding word, isn't it? It's not American. Very bad. A lot of people tell me that. Sounds foreign and it's a problem. So we're changing it to Strait of Massachusetts. Wow, how about that? A great American name. So now we get to decide who can sail their boats up, down and along it. No mines, no more mines. We'll take care of that No mines,' said Trump, before busting out a stupid, robotic 1980s dad dance move.

Despite the announcement being met with stunned disbelief in most quarters, no one is particularly surprised to see the Trump-friendly, sycophantic, global, poodle corporations of Google and Apple have already amended their online maps to show the new name.

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