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UN tells eastern Europe “OK, enough new countries now”

The United Nations has formally asked eastern Europe if it could kindly stop subdividing into new countries every five minutes.

”OK, Yugoslavia breaking up we understand,” said a spokesman today. “It was an artificial mess cobbled together at the end of World War One. One of many stupid things we did then and ended up paying for later.

”But then one of the countries that made up Yugoslavia, Serbia, subdivides again as first Montenegro splits off, then Kosovo. Then Czechoslovakia splits into the Czech and Slovak Republics.

”And now somewhere called Transnistria wants to break away from Moldova. Which may or may not have been part of Yugoslavia - frankly I’ve lost track at this point.”

The spokesman pleaded with eastern Europeans to just “calm the f*** down” and stop breaking away from each other, adding “You realise we have to reprint all the stationery every time a few dozen of you decide you’re a new country? It’s just getting tedious now. Frankly I’m afraid to book a holiday to Croatia in case it no longer exists when I get there. Even its main seaside resort is called Split.

”And honestly, Slovenia and Slovakia? Do we really need both of them?”

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