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Voldemort to enter US presidential race

Voldemort, arch-nemesis of Harry Potter, is set to enter the US presidential race as an independent candidate.

Voldemort has conjured up considerable financial backing after spells in banking and finance, marketing and PR, and thanks to his friends at Gringott’s Bank and Warner Bros.

Pollsters believe that Voldemort could attract voters away from Donald Trump, as his views are even further to the right. His policies include banishing illegal immigrants to other planets and sending trans activists to his underground Chamber of Sequins, for example. His economic policies are based on forecasts and numbers that magically rewrite themselves so that they are always in line with the facts.

On the street, many voters are positive. Many have seen the films and own the merchandise and some of them are aware that there are also books. They are sophisticated enough to know that Voldemort is not entirely a good person, but they are interested in his policy ideas and take the view that ‘actions speak louder than words’. Voldemort appeals to floating voters because his hands are normal size, he is not orange, and he generally seems to avoid nodding off in public. Voters are positive about his ability to talk to snakes and believe that this will serve him well on Capitol Hill.

Voldemort has not revealed his first name, but it is widely believed to be Endeavour.

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