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The internet was briefly plunged into chaos earlier today after an anonymous group of activists successfully hacked online text-based applications worldwide, causing every instance of the word ‘Trump’ to be automatically replaced with the word ‘Fart’. The edit came with an added flourish: a thunderous farting sound blasting from phones, laptops, e-readers, and even office printers.


The hack spared no one - social media posts, news articles, legal briefs and even children’s homework erupted in synchronized flatulence. Across the world, buses, trains, shopping malls and even libraries reverberated with a chorus of loud, wet fart noises, which sounded as if they had been recorded during a gastrointestinal emergency.


The situation reached DEFCON brown when President Trump attempted to condemn the hack via his platform, Truth Social. Instead of a stern rebuke, his followers were greeted with a post which read: “Fart, fart, FART, fart, FAKE NEWS, fart, fart, BIGLY FART,” each word accompanied by the deafening sound of explosive diarrhoea, which reportedly caused several phones to vibrate off tables. Supporters described Trump’s post as ‘surprising, but on-brand’.


The activists later issued a statement explaining that the stunt was designed to ‘illustrate, in the simplest possible terms, that President Trump talks out of his anus and is full of crap’. Many political commentators praised the group for ‘effectively matching tone to content’.

Although cybersecurity experts quickly fixed the breach and restored the word ‘Trump’ to its less flatulent spelling, critics argue that the damage lingers. “The hack is gone,” one observer said, “but Trump’s words still carry a persistent whiff of bullshit.”




News that driverless taxis are to be rolled out in the UK from September has met with concern from white van men and bus drivers that they might be the only true misogynists left on our roads.


‘It’s traditional, innit’ said Dave, a white van driver from Essex. ‘As much as I love cheering up the ladies with a cheery comment as I drive past, it won’t be the same if the taxis don’t honk their horns or shout something to, you know, reinforce the message’.


AI firms have been training driverless taxis in casual misogyny for months but admit that it’s a challenge.


‘One of our taxis shouted something inappropriate at an elderly woman’, a spokesman told us. ‘ She seemed pleased, to be honest, but it’s letting the side down. Even with advances in artificial intelligence, the concept of “munter” is surprisingly difficult to program’.


Driverless taxis will make the roads safer by taking actual taxi drivers off them.


Women’s groups have criticised the idea of training robots to abuse them in the street. Well they would, wouldn’t they? Probably lesbians or summat.




The Tumptonshire mayor's office today confirmed it is taking back its highest honour, The Camberwick Shield, recently awarded for services to the village of Camberwick Green to the ever popular flour grinder, Windy Miller. The shield will then be rededicated to President Donald J Trump.


Speaking on the Trumpton Today Programme the mayor said: 'It is only right and proper we should give this honour to President Trump for his great contribution to the twenty-first century. No one has done so much for stop motion animation as he has. The shield will be awarded by Trumpton's highest military figure, Captain Flack, during a glitzy ceremony to be held at the bandstand on February 5th.


Details are as yet unconfirmed, but it's understood as part of the celebrations there will be a fire fighters' drive past with Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb all aboard their gleaming red fire engine with its bell ringing out loud and clear. 


On hearing the news President Trump told reporters, 'This is a real smart move by the Mayor's office. The smartest. People are telling me that because everyone knows I deserve it. Nobody has done as much for Tumptonshire as I have. Can anybody deny it?"


When there was no response from the assembled hacks, Trump busted out several classic robot dance moves then continued. 'That's right. Even Brian can't.'


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