GB News given official 'sanctuary' status by RSPB

The UK television channel GB News has been recognised by the RSPB for its socially aware and progressive programming policies. Indeed, it is now recognised as a major wildlife sanctuary, providing a refuge for severely damaged and potentially dangerous creatures.

"Most of the species we have welcomed and cared for have only got one wing. Their right, of course. But we are able to keep them confined and secure and give them a place where they feel at home. Listen to them chatter away! They're as happy as can be in here!"

An observer commented, "I think this is a wonderful facility. All these Swivel-Eyed Twites, Madus hatteris, captive in the one place. The m. hatteris Faragina, m. hatteris Cleesiensis and the m. hatteris Portillo. I'm especially keen to see the latest m. hatteris Reesmoggerus once it has settled in and found its perch."

Another bystander added an alternative benefit, "This is magnificent and I can't thank GB News enough. By attracting and containing all these Swivel-Eyed Twites I now know that there is only one channel I need to avoid instead of having them popping up all over the networks. That, in itself, makes it worth having this refuge for them."

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Image: makamuki0 | Pixabay

Bieber sells his songs but your ears will continue to pay

Industry experts were surprised that his back catalogue sold, and even more surprised that the new owners refused to set fire to it. Warned one such expert, 'It went for $200m, but who knows the true cost to our musical sensibilities. It's like listening to the layered harmonics of a sack of squealing of weasels.'

Likened to the voice of a small child, trapped inside the body of an even smaller child, Mr. Bieber is a firm favourite with teenage girls with low self esteem. His 290 songs will now be played on a continuous loop, until someone pays the ransom.

His manager remarked, 'Justin is flattered to be valued so highly and for another $100m he promises to stop.'

'Can we afford it?' asked one journalist.

'Can we afford not to?' asked the world.

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Image: https://pixabay.com/users/asketch-21255728/

Sharp blames BBC for dropping the Money Programme

Richard Sharp, Chairman of the BBC, has admitted that he had dinner with Boris Johnson and Sam Blythe, who went on to underwrite a £800,000 loan to Mr Johnson. A BBC spokesman says it is unfair that the press are accusing him of facilitating a deal for the then Prime Minister, when all he did was have some dinner and introduced a very rich man to a man who needed some cash, pronto. 'The fact that Mr Sharp was then appointed as BBC chair shortly after, at the recomendation of Mr Johnson, is purely co-incidental,' the spokesman added.

He added that if the BBC hadn't dropped the Money Programme in 2010 then he wouldn't have needed to meet up with rich people to secure a loan. The spokesman said that while there are some websites that provide independent advice, and Martin Lewis seems to know a thing or two, Mr Johnson wouldn't have needed the help from the man who subsequently became Chair of the BBC.

The BBC maintain the relationship between Mr Sharp, Mr Johnson and Mr Blyth around the time of Mr Sharp's appointment is 'not causal', despite the rumour that Valerie Singleton was being lined up for the job until the then Prime Minister learned her programme had finished.

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