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A spokesman for the popular panel game where celebrities tell tall stories and the opposing side has to guess whether the story is true or a lie said, 'we are planning on running an election special, whenever that is in May'.  The show doesn't normally feature politicians because, 'they all bloody lie, anyway,' but with politics becoming increasingly polarised the producers have conceded it is almost impossible for the man in the street to discern when the truth is being told or otherwise.  Obviously Lee Anderson, Michael Gove and Boris Johnson won't be invited, however the BBC is considering a representative of the Post Office senior management to be included.


'It'll be hilarious, with claims about Brexit benefits, all lies, obviously, and spending plans, ditto being tossed around.  We might even ask Rishi Sunak to tell a tale about how long he intends to stay in the country after the last result is in,' added the producer.  The episode, which would normally run for thirty minutes, is expected to run for three, including the front and end credits.  'We've got a gianormous "Lie" sign mocked up in the colours of the politician making the statement,' said the producer, adding, 'we're not going to bother with the cost of a 'True' sign.'




Boris Johnson's recent visit to Eton College has resulted in what commentators are calling an unprecedented plumbing catastrophe. In a peculiar turn of events, that has resulted in a complete close down,  every toilet in the prestigious institution was found to be mysteriously clogged following the former Prime Minister's departure.


The day began with typical Etonian pomp and ceremony, as Johnson, an alumnus, was greeted with the enthusiasm reserved for old boys who had ascended to the heights of political power. However, little did the college anticipate that their esteemed guest would leave behind a legacy not in the form of inspiring speeches or generous donations, but in a series of blockages bordering on a dirty protest.


"It was like something out of a Harry Potter book, except instead of a basilisk in the pipes, it was just... well, you know," remarked one bewildered student, who preferred to remain anonymous for fear of retribution from the newly formed gang, "Boris's Bog Boys".


The incident, now cheekily referred to as 'Bog-gate' by the students, unfolded shortly after Johnson's departure. A frantic call was made to the Government plumbers, who arrived with a sense of urgency usually reserved for national emergencies. Armed with plungers they tackled the crisis head-on. Most have now been offered counselling.


Sources close to the former PM suggest that he had partaken generously in the traditional Etonian feast, a spread known for its richness. "He was quite enthusiastic about the bean stew," commented the chef, with a haunted look.


The school administration, while initially embarrassed, took the incident in stride. "Yet again, our distinguished guests leave their indelible, impactful mark on Eton," quipped the headmaster, trying to mask his disgust. "Our toilets will never be the same."


It is though the blockages will be cleared by next weekend and normalcy restored, but the legend of Boris Johnson's visit to Eton and his "largesse" is a tale that will be told for generations.





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Professor Sir Bill Steve Jobs Gates FRS has astonished the IT world by buying a new phone without losing his WhatsApp messages.


An exhausted Sir Bill emerged from his state of the art lab triumphantly clutching his new Pixel 8 phone and modestly said, "I've done it."


When pressed for how he'd managed this miracle he explained the procedure in a greatly simplified form.


"I logged into my account on the new phone, then half an hour later all my stuff was there. I actually let my 8 year old do it."



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