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General Election 2024: Party Anthems



Conservative - 'Easy Come, Easy Go' by Elvis Presley



Labour - 'I Heard It On The Grapevine' by Marvin Gaye



Lib Dems - 'Don't You Forget About Me' by Simple Minds



Green - 'Imagine' by John Lennon



SNP - 'My Perfect Cousin' by The Undertones



Reform - 'We're Only Making Plans for Nigel' by XTC



Plaid Cymru - 'My Little Empire' by the Manic Street Preachers



Count Binface - 'All I Ask Of Myself Is That I Hold It Together' by Ned's Atomic Dustbin



DUP - 'I'm Going Slightly Mad' by Queen



Sinn Fein - 'Brothers in Arms' by Dire Straits



Britain First - 'Run Like Hell' by Pink Floyd




Public toilet becomes famous after being named in MP’s statement

A public toilet has unexpectedly become famous overnight after being namechecked in a statement made by a disgraced Conservative MP.


The toilet, located in London’s Kings Cross station, was named by Mark Menzies MP as the location where he first met the “bad people” who would later cause him such trouble, locking him in a flat until a ransom was paid to secure his release.


Menzies said he couldn’t be specific about which stall he was in, only that it had a hole in the dividing wall “at about waist height”.


Reg Prescott, who has cleaned the toilet for 15 years, said that its sudden fame had led to a lot of new people coming there. “Though none of them wanting to use it as a toilet, funnily enough.”


image from pixabay

Planet Neptune ditching blue colour to avoid links to Tories



The planet Neptune is no longer considered blue, mirroring the trend of many formerly safe Tory seats.


One alien, Zuflaxizog, said 'Mrs Zuflaxizog and I were pootling around the outer solar system just the other day. We agreed that Neptune and the UK were a lot more blue in the 1980s but that was a false colour.'


'Did you know that Neptune and Jacob Rees-Mogg were both discovered in 1846? And Jeremy Hunt is actually 3 Neptunians sitting on each others shoulders, squelching around inside a fleshy suit - that's why he always has that weird smile. With an average temperature of around -200°C, both Neptune and Rishi Sunak's heart are cold, dark, and desolate worlds.'



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