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    • Throngsman
      • Mar 20
      • 1 min read

    Government runs out of bad news to bury - or has it?


    Covid brought the perfect cover for hiding bad news - at least until the cabinet office forgot to invite prominent journalists to BYOB parties during lockdown - or actually did invite them but forgot to add that the invitation to bring your own booze was an in-joke - of course the taxpayer would provide. Now, when partygate, Brexit screw ups and downright corruption were starting to touch the public consciousness the government has had the cover provided by Putin's invasion of Ukraine. at least one person of Prime Minister status will have mouthed, if not emailed, Vladimire Putin a big thank-you for that, it has been suggested.


    However, when surveying the bunched up carpets with the bodies piled under and the crisis that seemed to pop up daily now well and truly obscured by the fog of war the Cabinet office is struggling to find new bodies to sweep under and almost certainly illegal events to be lied about. Unless you include a visit to kneel in front of a despot who relishes hanging and beheading dozens of people a day on charges that may or may not stand up to scrutiny in a real court to cover for not doing more to avoid having to pay Putin to fund his adventures in Ukraine while paying Ukrainians in weapons to stop the man you're paying for oil. By not doing more, read anything, actually.

    • News in Brief
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    • Frank Optional
      • Jan 3
      • 1 min read

    Thousands need hospital treatment after lockdown injuries


    New NHS figures show that thousands of people were injured in household accidents as people spent more time indoors.


    2,700 people sought medical assistance after an accident with a jar lid, such as jam or chutney, and 349 were admitted to hospital after tussles with a dressing gown. More than 5,600 people required hospital attention after wandering into the kitchen and forgetting what they went in there for.


    Working from home posed fresh hazards, with 2,243 people needing attention after coming into contact with revised company login procedures and 1,232 colliding with chairs after forgetting their password.


    While many people found comfort during lockdowns by adopting pets, 7,386 people were admitted to English hospitals after being punched by a dog, while 60 others sought assistance after encounters with angry hamsters.


    The number of people needing assistance after getting tired of looking out the window rose from 3 cases in 2019/20 to 18,367,290 in 2020/21


    A lady in Wales was admitted to hospital after biting into an especially stale custard cream and 437 conservative brexiteers required emergency procedures after coming into contact with a book.


    The NHS expects cases to reduce once bored immunity sets in.


    photo: https://pixabay.com/users/ryanmcguire-123690/









    Boris examines the NHS data and demands to know how 40 hospitals have gone missing

    ​

    'I've been silenced' complains man in podcast, stage show and own documentary


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    • Lifestyle
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    • ChrisF
      • Dec 20, 2021
      • 0 min read

    Tories Lockdown Festival Guide



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