New Lloyd Webber musical to examine work in the gig economy

News has leaked of a new Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, said to be already in production, which promises to expose the insecurities and precariousness of 21st century work in the theatre industry.

Whilst details are sketchy at this stage, the new musical is thought to focus on the story of a group of lead and ensemble actors, and hundreds of back stage and support workers, who find out that a hit musical they were involved in is set to end very unexpectedly, and that they have lost their jobs.

'The first half of the musical opens against the backdrop of a global pandemic, with our hero, a theatre magnate thundering out a showstopping tune about how the show must go on, and how he will risk arrest to open his theatres during a lockdown', said a source close to Lloyd Webber.

'The show opens to great acclaim but then there's this crisis point just before the end of the first half where the same billionaire theatre magnate pulls the plug on the show, and because it's a bank holiday weekend, a lot of the cast find out the news on social media', continued the source. 'I know, the plot's a bit unbelievable, but its no worse than Love Never Dies.'

'It's got everything, zero hours contracts, rampant job insecurity, a rags to riches story (well rags for most, riches for a few) and an owner who once flew across the Atlantic to vote in the house of Lords for cuts to working tax credits', said the source. 'The punters will love it'.

Like Cinderella, it's thought there'll also be some surprises hidden within scenery - this time, a revolving stage door so that cast and crew can be dismissed even more easily when the time comes.

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Cinders for Cinderella

Most anticipated London show of the year is Predator The Musical

Classic 1987 family romcom Predator starring the dashing Arnold Schwarzenegger is soon to hit the West End as an all-singing all-dancing musical. Fans of extroverts who sing their conversations to each other in ways which defy melody are said to be more excited than when Michael Ball started drinking his own range of perfume. Writer and Director of the show, Joan Bosford explained how she came up with idea. 'Well, I was knocking back the usual Tuesday Stellas with my gals Sandra 'n Iris, when Predator came on the telly. Iris pipes up how she reckoned that Predator was top bollocks, and Sandy says that she can't understand why it's never been made into a musical. 'That got me thinking, why not make it into a musical? There's loads of money in it and the plot is tailor-made. The romantic tension between Arnie as 'Dutch', and his lover from another world... well, it's electric, isn't it? All sexy like in the woods 'n all. So I wrote a few notes down, like a couple of Cs, and a G, and that was all of the music sorted for the whole show. 'My favourite number is 'I Want You Back.' The invisible Predator leads a beautiful rolling duet with Dutch, and then finally reveals himself while gently caressing the small of the back of one of Dutch's crew, before ripping the spine out and swinging the blood soaked skull around his head like some sort of deranged whirligig. 'And there won't be a dry eye in the house during the scene where Dutch and his mates mow down acres of pristine rain forest with all of their heaviest weaponry while formation dancing and singing 'If It Bleeds We Can Kill It.' The show opens at the Dreary Lane Theatre next Thursday, with special reduced prices for young children.

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