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A quick guide to US presidents

Thomas Jefferson (1801-1809). The only president to give his name to a successful rock band. Eisenhower Airplane and Van Buren Airplane somehow never made the big time.

Abraham Lincoln (1861-1865). Assassinated. Ford's Theatre still offering special half-price deals to presidents to win back business lost due to the "unfortunate shooting incident".

Calvin Coolidge (1923-1929). Owing to his staple diet of rum and baked beans he was known as Silent-but-Deadly Cal.

Herbert Hoover (1929-1933). Spent so much time at his family business he didn't see the Crash coming. This led to the XXth Amendment to the Constitution: "The President shall not sell vacuum cleaners on White House time".

Ronald Reagan (1981-1989). Won over the crucial Weird Loner vote with his famous "Shoot me and impress Jody Foster" speech.

Joseph Biden (2021- ). An enigma, even to himself. Voted Most Likely to Invade Canada. Keeps forgetting where he left the remote control for the nuclear missiles.

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