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  • Myke

'All set for Easter?' knocks 'All set for Christmas?' into second place

‘All set for Easter’ is now the number one question asked at bus stops, according to a new poll.

‘The days are getting longer, but you wouldn’t believe it, would you?’ is straight in at three, pushing ‘But you’re not allowed to say that anymore are you?’ into fourth place. 'Did you get anything nice from Santa?' is still making a strong showing.

Data analysis shows that people you vaguely know but haven’t spoken to in a couple of years are now 57% more likely to talk about a Netflix series, while Downton Abbey is hardly referred to at all. Hollyoaks remains popular with the 3-12 age bracket. Call the Midwife is favoured but is believed to be a seasonal outlier.

Polling expert, Professor Sir Malcolm Granger said:

‘Have you been following Love Island? What? No, me neither. It's shit isn’t it.’

The poll reveals the type of question asked at a bus stop is influenced by how long you have to wait. Refugees in dinghies will typically kick in after one minute, Wokeism in two, Meghan and Harry in three, and capital punishment and castration in five. Where’s that bus got to? arrives about forty-five minutes later, with most respondents blaming the hijab, although you’re not allowed to say that anymore, are you?

Experts fear next year's bus stop poll will be far less accurate as participants will be obliged to show photo ID such as a senior citizen’s bus pass, a passport, or membership of the Ku Klux Klan.

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