The UK government plans to commandeer Santa’s sleigh to send asylum seekers to Rwanda. In a shock move, Rishi Sunak said he was fed up with all the dithering surrounding his flagship policy and that the time had come for serious action.
'I’m dreaming of a flight Christmas,' the prime minister was reported to have told reporters at a press conference in Winter Wonderland.
'Do they know it’s Christmas? They will do when they’re sitting on Santa’s sledge. Santa Claus is coming to Kigali – it’s a case of "Jingle Cells".'
The idea for the so-called Santa-Rwanda clause is thought to have come up when Cabinet members swapped their annual Secret Suella gifts at a meeting last week. It’s not known exactly how the sleigh will be snatched, though sources at the Ministry of Defence said an SAS unit has been put on stand-by.
A spokesman for the Migrants Are Cool campaign group said not only was it inhumane to cram asylum seekers on to a small sledge, but the planned move would wreck Christmas.
'If this goes ahead, millions of children will wake up with nothing in their stockings. That’s almost as bad as having to listen to a Mistletoe and Wine/Saviour's Day/Millennium Prayer Cliff Richard megamix.'