Batman is to be new James Bond

In a move that has set the world of superheroes reeling, Barbra Broccoli, long-time Bond producer and custodian of the James Bond brand, has announced that Batman is to be the new James Bond, taking over from Daniel Craig.

The announcement was made after an intense weekend of auditions at a secret location in southeast London which led to headlines like Broccoli to Brockley.

The caped crusader beat off competition from the likes of Callum Turner, Jack Lowden and Josh O'Connor, leaving those who had wanted the first black Bond bitterly disappointed.

On hearing he was successful Batman said: 'I've been an admirer of James' work for many years, particularly the strides he has made in tackling those who would threaten to blow up Earth itself. It is an honour to take up the mantle.'

Others are not so happy. Spiderman, Superman and the Hulk issued a joint statement saying: 'We deplore one of our number going to the other side like this, chasing the Amazon dollar [Amazon now has creative control of the Bond franchise]. We are also very sorry to report that Batman's faithful partner Robin has gone straight into therapy.'

Meanwhile, how Batman will use Bond's most famous phrase remains a closely guarded secret. Perhaps simply: 'The name's 'man. Batman.'

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