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BBC acted swiftly and decisively to suspend presenter within months

BBC Director General and independent unbiased bastion of Conservative moral fibre, Tim Davie, sprang into action the moment a couple of months had passed. Then, and only then, after it seemed inevitable that covering up for a presenter buying explicit pictures off a teen would be busted wide open.

'From the minute management was aware, Mr Davie protected the presenter like he was one of his own,' said a BBC presenter not currently under investigation for child sexual exploitation. 'Not one of his own children, one of his own Conservative Party sex predator chums. Because they are more important than anyone else and need looking after to a greater extent than young people left in harm's way for unnecessarily extended periods.

'We're really lucky to have Tim, because he instinctively knew what was right, and knew what to do. Ignore the whole thing, and see if it went away all by itself. It's only from years of experience knocking about with Tory perverts and criminals that one would have this reflexive reaction.

'Because of his untimely inaction, an already famous presenter will be catapulted to national notoriety anyway. But also now with an inexplicable and indefensible delay included. That's just the sort of head-shaking debacle which will earn both of them an automatic life peerage gifted by senior Conservatives.

'One would expect that the presenter will be promoted to the recently vacated role of BBC Chairman and Chief Loan Fixer for Boris Johnson. And if he plays his cards right with a string of other disgraceful scandals, this presenter chap could make Prime Minister before the next election.'

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