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Boomerang Airways to fly asylum seekers to Rwanda

The government has awarded the contract to fly asylum seekers to Rwanda to a new airline called Boomerang Airways.

A spokesman for Boomerang Airways said that the company was pleased to win the work and that they were sure that they could provide a service that almost everyone would be happy with.

The outline of the service is as follows. Boomerang Airways will offer travel in third class only. Passengers would not be able to bring any hand baggage, other than a parachute, if they have one. They would not be able to choose their seats. In flight catering would be provided on all journeys exceeding 24 hours. In flight entertainment would be basic – passengers would be offered options including thumb-twiddling and humming (not to exceed 30 decibels). Plans to offer charades had been blocked by the Home Office, which felt that this would offer the red tops an easy headline. The company has no plans to offer a frequent flyer programme.

In the event of a landing at sea (a crash), the plane will be equipped with a number of small boats and some inflatable globes, just like the ones used by Michael Palin.

Boomerang Airways has currently leased one plane, an ex-Malaysian Air Force Dart Herald, from an aviation museum in Kazakhstan. The plane is currently going through safety checks and will be airworthy once the problem with the toilet has been sorted out and the wings re-attached.

When asked if anyone at Boomerang Airways drank in the same pub as Michael Gove, the company declined to comment.

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