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Boris fined in guineas but his bribes still in metric

Boris' fines to be paid in guineas but his bribes will still be metric

The PM announced that Imperial measurements would be making a comeback, with all his bull$it weighed in tonnes. His spokeswoman said: 'Boris will not budge an inch on resigning, or 2.5cm in your parlance'.

His bilge would be marked by the gallon. His honesty by the ounce. And the number of his wives would be measured in acres.

'Finally, the average Brit will get to buy a pint using a pound, rather than the ghastly system of pints and pounds that we have now. Boris will be giving the nation back it's inch, he'll just happen to be taking a mile in return'.

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