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Boris Johnson declared 'saviour of Europe' after single-handedly defeating Russia in Ukraine

Following a stout campaign of misinformation, Boris Johnson has defeated Vladimir Putin's Russian forces advancing on Ukraine. He is to receive the highest honour Europe can bestow: the Yellow Star of Gratitude.

To distract from troubles back home, Boris hatched his epic 'Plan C' which began with a formidable strategy of doing absolutely nothing. When backed into a corner, he pretended to be writing a book about Winston Churchill while evading emergency COBRA meetings - a tactic not seen since the glorious days of the 'Kill as many Brits as possible in a pandemic' campaign.

A barrage of Boris babble misled everyone into believing that Putin was defeated, which a largely compliant press dutifully confirmed. With only a handful of individuals challenging the claims pouring from a robustly leaky Ukraine Research Group, there was no option but to accept his words as the facts on the ground.

On his return from the Russian front, It is understood that the Queen will place a sword on Boris Johnson's shoulder, and with a steady hand most definitely Knight him and absolutely not lop his head off.

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