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Britain’s nuclear deterrent now a firm finger wagging

A firm finger wagging is set to replace Britain’s nuclear deterrent after the failure of another Trident missile test. Britain’s nuclear armed submarines are set to be repurposed - docked in Liverpool and painted yellow as a Beatles themed attraction.

Nuclear war theorist Rachel Rutherford said 'Mild disapproval and lukewarm scolding are all the rage in apocalyptic game theory. You’re nothing without a good line in tutting. Sucking on your teeth is also right up there, as is a sharp intake of breath. Combine those with a pained expression or slowly shaking your head and you’ve got yourself a WMD.'

'Putin will never know what hit him. What’s more devastating? A hydrogen bomb detonation or having someone roll their eyes at you as they tut? A great philosopher once wrote: "Naughty naughty, very naughty".'

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