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  • Writer's pictureSully

Conservative Party to be bought by National Trust

'Most people don’t realise that the Conservative Party is still, technically, a live political party' said a spokesman for the National Trust. ‘We can’t take them over and install a gift shop and tea room until 2024, but the planning is well underway.'

The Conservative Party’s demise has been viewed with sadness by wealthier older people with 'quaint' views on race and a poor grasp of the lives of ordinary Brits. 'I got my first sexual experiences at Young Conservative dances', said Henry Buffington-Smythe. 'It’s a shame these old traditions have to end. I suppose young people nowadays use the internet. I know I do. It’s fascinating. Filthy, you know. Rimming, Mexican Pancakes, it’s an absolute wonderland.'

The current Conservative leader is Rishi Sunak, a diminutive character with a penchant for minor criminality. He’s unlikely to be the final leader before 2024, however – in the 'end of days' frenzy which has overtaken the Party, most members are expected to take a turn before the curtains finally close.

The National Trust will commemorate this chaotic final era with a life-sized cardboard cut-out of the door at No 10, with a hole so visitors can take a photo as the Prime Minister. This will enable any final Conservative Party members who didn’t manage to make it to PM to get their turn. Liz Truss has put her name down as she wasn’t in post long enough for a photo to be taken.

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