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Conservatives mistakenly vote to 'review' the body which might find them guilty of their misdeeds

Updated: Nov 26, 2021

The last barely functioning thing vaguely still working in the UK has been placed under review for a damn good dismantling. The standards committee which probes unseemly probing by members has itself been probed by Conservative MPs, including a number who are themselves under 'probation' by that very committee.

Roughly one quarter of MPs who voted for fewer standards have themselves previously been found guilty by the committee of skullduggery above and beyond the call of duty. Which begs the question: Only a quarter of them?

When a Prime Minister goes to the lengths of unsuspending an MP or two who the standards committee currently deem too dubious to be in public office, and does so for the specific purpose that they vote against the standards committee, then the stench of the oxymoron rather stings the nostrils. Avoiding the danger of permanent deselection from their own constituencies is merely a happy bonus no one should worry their pretty little heads over.

Despite a three line whip being strictly imposed on Conservative MPs, a fact strenuously denied by BBC News, many rebels rebelliously abstained, meaning that the vote was more of a squeaker than rigged for.

A spokes-cad for the rebels pointed out, 'Well of course we had to rebel in that glorious and heroic way where we do absolutely nothing. I don't think colleagues and so-called friends on our side of the aisle properly understand the mistake here. Our current leader and his Cabinet are so utterly hapless that there is a very real danger they hamfistedly and unintentionally create a replacement for the standards committee which accidentally has teeth.'

'Can you imagine what would happen? That would leave us all on a rather sticky wicket of our own making. And without any chums to bail each other out by insisting we are 'good eggs', we'd all be caught with our trousers down and our fondlers in the 'on the take' jar. No, far better to have a committee which only catches some of us out some of the time. We know where we stand with that and how to completely get away with it.'

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