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Criminals propose 'just scrapping' criminal justice system

Updated: Nov 26, 2021

Convicted criminals across the country have strongly suggested we should 'completely scrap' the criminal justice system.

Ben, who received a five year sentence just last week, is heading up the campaign: 'Its nothing to do with the fact I've just been convicted - that's complete pure coincidence. I've been thinking for ages we should just get rid of the criminal justice system entirely. I'm definitely right because all my mates agree. Pick-pocket-Paul backs me up, and so does Half-Inch-It-Ian. Whether I committed the crime or not is neither here nor there.'

Ben's mates have said they are 'horrified' at the current system which is 'fundamentally flawed' but couldn't really explain how. They are calling for Ben's immediate release and exoneration, saying that despite the mountain of evidence that he did commit a crime, scrapping the system entirely would override that.

This has prompted a number of other campaigns, with burglars unanimously voting to scrap security cameras, cyber criminals demanding we scrap firewalls and murderers proposing we scrap forensic pathologists.

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