top of page

FA to ban genetically engineered players

The Football Association has told teams that it plans to ban genetically engineered players and to introduce DNA Fair Play rules soon.

A number of Premiership clubs are rumoured to be using genetic engineering techniques to develop the super-players of the future.

Insiders at Manchester United have told us about a secret programme to develop new talent using DNA from George Best, Wayne Rooney and Gary Lineker. The work does not appear to have produce any great footballing talent so far – just some very hairy players, some very bald players, and some very drunken players, and all with a hankering for crisps.

 A staff member told us that the DNA wizards Crick and Wilson, who were hired to supervise the secret programme, have quietly been let go.

Hat-tip: Titus


bottom of page