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Face of Jesus appears in bed sheet sex stain

A post coital blemish on a lovely set of bed clothes from Argos has materialised in the form of The Messiah's face.

Lorraine Best, a cleaner from Stevenage explained, 'I was performing my weekly duties upstairs at number 17, when a miracle appeared before me in all of its glory. Afterwards, when the spunk had dried, it looked a bit like the face of Jesus.

'It was very important that I notified the most eminent of authorities capable of determining its authenticity, before publishing it on the front page of their tabloid and bunging me sixty quid.'

A specialist brought in to investigate the potential miracle said, 'Cartographers agree that it is not a map of Africa, and that is good enough for me.'

After going viral, the story - and indeed Ms Best - were thrust into the slimelight. Some were quick to uphold the veracity of the claims on blind faith, but a man called Thomas expressed doubts. 'As long as it wasn't gay sex, then we're OK with it,' added the bit of The Church choosy about which neighbours it loves.

'It was like Sodom and Gomorrah in there,' said the misinterpretation of Jesus's face.

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