Fired? Jolly japes to leave your new replacement - a Conservative list
- BillClay
- Jul 21
- 2 min read
Spaffed your job up a wall and been replaced by some noob? Why not leave a few tricks and jokes for the newbie, hilarity will definitely ensue! Perhaps one of these delights, put together by some Tory MPs who suddenly had a lot more free time available:
1. Poor some cress seeds on the carpet and give them a water before you leave. Maybe spell out a fun word like “Thatcher”.
2. Ram all the prisons to capacity and do nothing about it. Top bants.
3. Swap the mouse button settings round so they get confused and can’t press the correct one. Let them get any Social Reform through with that kind of setback.
4. Freely distribute top secret information about in a spreadsheet and make sure you cover it up until they are in charge. Try to make sure it’s expendable foreign chaps rather than your own lot…
5. Put some sardines behind the radiator and say you saw some of their back benchers do it.
6. Spend ALL the money and say everything is fine. This isn’t as fun if the other lot already know about it and pretend to go along with it. You both look daft then.
7. Shit in a drawer. Simple and effective.
8. Don’t pay people or fix things, enraged NHS staff, tired teachers, concerned school roof enthusiasts, poor train workers and all the scandal compensation…it’ll cost billions. The look on the new lot’s faces…priceless.
In no circumstances leave a “funny” note saying there’s no more money. They might use it against you and suddenly pretend that they take finances very seriously. It’s political wokeness gone mad.
Image credit: Thomas Bormans / Unsplash
