Games Night at the Whitehouse
- deskpilot
- 27 minutes ago
- 2 min read
The Trump team posted a picture of the big orange man baby playing Uno and 'holding all the cards'. As you win at Uno by getting rid of all your cards, this suggests that Donald may play Uno according to his own unique and made-up rules.
But he doesn't just play Uno! He plays lots of games and makes up his own rules to all of them. Here's a quick rundown...
Monopoly - on your first go, the Trump tactic is to borrow everything you need from the Bank of Sevastopol and buy everyone out. You win! For a quicker game, just confiscate all the Monopoly sets until you have a Monopoly monopoly.
Risk - attack everywhere - except Russia and China, obviously - and refuse to accept defeat even after you've obviously lost. When you have nothing left, you win by declaring 'mission accomplished'.
Old Maid - this is the only game where Melania is allowed to win, even though Donald only plays small hands.
Buckeroo - the winner is the person who gets the most things when the horse bucks.
Mousetrap - win the game by demolishing everything on the east side of the board. Donald likes this game because the movements distract everyone and make them think that something useful is happening. It isn't. Out
Russian roulette - always go last, after everyone else has had a good go at it.
Cowboys and Indians - always choose cowboy and get ICE in to sort out the Indians.
Russian Cluedo - the candlestick and the rope are by Novichok and a window.
Russian Monopoly - played on the London board. The winning player is the one who acquires all the properties.
Chess - Donald plays with very big pieces and his opponents play with small pieces. His king can move wherever it want. Queens aren't allowed. Bishops must remain silent. Win by jumping over all your opponents pieces and going off in a huff.
Pictionary - You've seen Donald's handwriting. What makes you think he's ever going to play Pictionary? He played once, with Epstein, but his drawing of a woman's body and accompanying message didn't result in a win.
Obama Llama - to win, set fire to the box and jump up and down on it
Exploding kittens - Donald's favourite game, which he insists on playing with real kittens.
Cluedo - it's always Mr Orange in the Ballroom with an infeasibly large marker pen
Image: Doerge - Pixabay