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Writer's pictureDavidH

God releases tinier subatomic particles to cater for demand



The creator of creation is launching a new range of even tinier subatomic particles to keep up with demand from his busy little humans.


As science regularly seeks to plumb the depths of the fabric of existence, discovering even smaller bits to quantify, the supreme being is staying one step ahead. Subatomic physicist, Professor Sharon Booth, explained: “It’s such an exciting time. We’re on the verge of a breakthrough that will give humanity a greater understanding of the building blocks of matter.”


God responded: “Building blocks, particles… blah, blah, blah. They’ll find what they want to find. If you search with a magnet, eventually you’ll find iron. Apparently, they’re using the energy input of a small country to smash tiny particles together to reveal even tinier ones. Which they will, because I created them on my lunch break yesterday.


“They’ve found so many of my little distractions lately, they’re running out of names to call them. These ones will be ‘Throbs’ or ‘Quintisquibs’ or some other bollocky name like that. Oh, and they’ll have trite qualities, like bounciness, humourousness and vulnerability.”


Professor Booth, commented: “If the results from the accelerator match our mathematical modelling we’ll be within touching distance of the mind of God.”


“Haha! I’ve a feeling I’ll be playing this little game for many a lunchtime to come,” said God.



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