Harry 'Fingers' McClean exonerated by internal committee
Harry 'Fingers' McClean, currently under investigation by the Metropolitan Police for burglary, theft with menaces, carrying an offensive weapon, spitting in a latte, extortion, unnatural relations with a small puppy, tax avoidance with threats, operating a TV without a valid licence, and using sweary words in a public place, has been exonerated by an internal investigation. The investigation panel consisted of his mum and his Uncle Robert, who incidentally isn't a real uncle but does stop over to keep the family safe while Harry's dad serves time in Strangeways.
'We've looked at all the evidence, and we've interviewed Harry down the pub, and we can't find a shred of guilt,' said Harry's mum, who has based her investigative style on Nigel Farage. 'He's thorough, is Nigel. Nuffink sticks, nor will it to our Harry,' she said.
A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police gave an official sigh. He noted that the Met seemed to have a lot more physical evidence than Mrs McClean. 'Our investigation, using real detectives and actual evidence, is taking a bit longer than Harry's mum, but if he is exonerated then we'll be the first to admit we were wrong,' he said, adding, 'but it is interesting that she interviewed him in the pub, as he's been in prison on remand for the last three months. Maybe we need to broaden our investigation.'
Image credit: Wix AI
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