top of page

He’s shouting, and four other signs a man is listening to music

Performing a singular activity for a man can be a tortuous exercise, particularly if his focus and concentration have been hijacked by music plumbed straight into the ears.

He’s shouting

Other than the devices on or in his ears, an obvious sign that a man is listening to music is that anything spoken is ramped up to eleven. Usually: ‘WHAT?’, ’SPEAK UP, I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!’, and the patently obvious: ‘I’M LISTENING TO MUSIC!!!’ whilst pointing to his ear.

He’s zoned out

The thousand yard stare exhibited by the man listening to music is a direct effect of his concentration being occupied by the mesmeric pulses occupying his brain. Waving your hand in front of his face will have little effect. You would get a better reaction conversing with a tree stump.

He’s bumping into things

Music and motion do not readily mix with men. Whilst walking, in his mind’s eye, the man will be Axl Rose, or god forbid, Bono. He will not be paying attention to potential hazards, but the motor functions of a his brain will continue unabated until exhaustion or collision render him unconscious.

He’s emitting random high-pitched noises

Due to not being able to hear his own voice, the man listening to music will not know whether he’s producing sound or not, resulting in a series of off-key squeaks being emitted that his brain believes to be lyrics. Trying to work out what he’s listening to would keep GCHQ busy for centuries.

He can’t do anything else

Compounding the adage that men cannot multitask; a man listening to music may valiantly attempt a variety of simple tasks, but ultimately will fail. Stirring a cup of tea or using a urinal will see each activity performed in time with the beat of the music, accompanied by spasms of rudimentary drumming or air guitar, with very messy consequences.

106 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page