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Heathrow to lay off pointless extra security staff

Heathrow Airport announced today that it was laying off the pointless extra security staff who stand around gossiping while you go through security.

"For a long time, we've run airport security on a system of three working, two gossiping at any one time" explained a spokesman today. "As anyone who's flown out of a British airport will know.

"And obviously, there's a time-honoured convention that if they take your suitcase aside to check something, they should have a good old catch up about each others' weekends first, especially if your plane's already boarding.

"But margins are tight, and we have to take the unusual step of laying off people who aren't doing anything useful."

The move is not thought to be popular with staff, who are said to prefer the gossiping part of their jobs to the working part.

"We did consider evening things out by losing one worker and one gossipper, but then who would the remaining one gossip with? Though I suppose they could be on their phone instead..."

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